Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder story begins in my childhood. Ever since I was a little girl I have been plagued by several traumatic experiences involving strangers. An attempted abduction, being followed by strangers in cars while walking home from school trying to offer me rides or ull up along side of me while exposing themselves masturbating, and attempted molestation. The first occassion occured when I was just 4 years old, playing hopscotch with a neighbor friend. A man pulled up in a truck, jumped out and quickly grabbed me. While trying to get me into his truck I bit his hand really hard and then screamed at the top of my lungs, resulting in him being startled and dropping me, and then sped away. This was a very traumatic experience that would haunt me for all of my following adolescent years.

Another incident added to my PTSD when I was an adult. One night, a man I didn't know broke into my apartment and attempted to sexually assault me. I began to scream when he started grabbing me, and grabbing at my clothes, and smacking me around, and with the sheer grace of god, there just happened to be 2 police officers in the complex who were there on an unrelated incident and happen to hear me scream. They busted down my door, and actually pulled this man off of me, but he broke loose from them, hit one officer in the nose, and proceeded to attack me again, right in their presence. The other officer was able to subdue him, and took him to the ground, while I escaped the tight grip he had on my neck. The man was arrested and charged as a sex offender and I had to go through court proceedings, and I was very scared that he may one day come back to get me, so I didn't want to testify, instead I asked the Judge for leniency in his sentencing, and then told the defendent in court, "I want you to know, when you wake up every day and leave your house, It is because of me, and my willing to forgive, that you are a free man."

Although I developed PTSD, which triggered and exaggerated startle response to any loud or sudden noise (very jumpy, and an over reaction to a simple closing of a door, or someone saying, "hey" to me) and the fear that engulfed me whenever i was home by myself... I found that despite these unpleasant effects, that I was able to move past this traumatizing event, (with minimal therapy) simply because I chose to forgive the man who attempted to sexually assault me. Instead of being bitter, angry and revengeful... I decided to give the man who did this to me a break, yes, my decision to do so, was partially due to fear of him coming back after me, but that was not the sole purpose for doing so. I believed If I showed him mercy, that he would be grateful and appreciative, knowing that I could've sent him to jail but instead, believed he could be rehabilitated with probation and counseling, so that he may function normal in society without the urge to harm anyone else. This worked. The man became remorseful for what he had done, and paid restitution for the damages he caused to my apartment (alot of broken personal belongings in the struggle with police) and physical damage done to my knee when I attempted to fight him off. He successfully completed a 5 year intensive probation term that included sex offender therapy and drug testing. pon successful completion of meeting the terms and conditions of probation, the felony conviction was set aside and he was given another chance by reducing it to a misdemeanor assault. What COULD have happened is, he couldve gotten locked up, and jail doesn't rehabilitate, but rather sometimes, can turn the inmate into a more dangerous criminally, and when released back into society, can go on to commit more crimes, and can be even worse than their original one.

Even though I suffered from PTSD, I knew his future lay in my hands, and my recommendation for his sentence strongly influenced the courts decision. I knew I could have him sent away to do some time and potentially turn him into something worse than he already was, or give the man the help he needed and a chance to overcome and heal his demons, and I chose to show him mercy and compassion, something I was not afforded by him. I thought if he saw what it was like to be afforded such a thing, it could change the way he perceives others and not want to harm anyone again.

The forgiveness and willingness shown to him by myslef and the mercy shown to him by the courts I believe may have saved someone else later on down the road, because he became a model citizen and successfully exponged the charges against him and went on to lead a normal, healthy lifestyle.

I may live with post traumatic stress disorder... but I no longer live in fear.

This is the PTSD story of one of our members trustinuandme.

Did you like this? Share it with somebody! Click the Share button below.