Dr.Raji Patil

Staring at the mirror and praying in my heart that, I hope I don't break out with acne tomorrow morning, hoping that my eyes are perfect, without the dark circles, hoping that I weigh some grams less than what I weighed today, hoping that I don't have a bad hair day ,hoping that wrinkles show up one day later...so on & so forth. All this so that I look perfect. Some days, I just want to withdraw myself into a shell & just become invisible. I don't want to be chirpy, and full of positivity. I just don't want to leave my bed..or wake up, cos it brings life, as it is, face to face with me. I want to run away from my troubles....I just don't want to fight them anymore. I just want to keep my cell switched off, for one whole day without being worried about, the sms's or the calls that I may miss.
I just want to cease, being the agony aunt for everyone, and tell them to solve their problems on their own. I just don't want to talk to anyone and want to be myself sometimes.
But people around me just don't let me be. The moment I decide to do something, like this, I will have a swarm of people around me, asking me" What happened?" I don't know myself or else I don't want to tell you. Then I realize, its better to go back to square one rather than letting others think, that I hold an attention seeking behaviour.

But it makes me wonder, whether I have a dual personality.Whether I would ever get to just switch off myself even if it is for a few seconds. How long will I be able to do this. I am not in depression...thats not what it is. Just want to be me for once.